Friday, February 13, 2015

Send Me a Sign

I have always believed there are forces at play in the universe that move us in a particular direction or set in motion a series of events.  You are exactly where you are meant to be in each moment.  My practice of yoga has only enhanced those views.  I find that I can feel energy flowing all around me, both positive and negative.  It's like I am living in this heightened state of awareness of myself and the world around me.

One of the things I am trying to do is to have faith in the wisdom of the universe and trust that it will guide me where I need to go.  I guess to some that may seem like a way of avoiding making decisions or hard choices in my life.  But I see it as remaining open to an infinite set of possibilities and knowing that my path will slowly reveal itself when the time is right.

For too long in my life, I tried to retain control of events that I had little or no control over, which can be frustrating.

Now I try just be patient and wait. 

As I have written many times, I continue to struggle with my feelings about my ex-boyfriend.  Even though we are broken up, he is still a constant presence in my life.  Yesterday I saw that there is a healthcare conference coming to Nashville in June. The first thought that popped into my head was how nice it would be if he and I could drive there together and turn it into a vacation.

He has been having some of the same struggles and I can tell that he really wants to change.  We both know there were bad parts of our relationship, but the good parts were so amazing.  It is hard to let go of that potential.  

At the same time, I have had this strong desire to put myself out there and try to find the kind of love I am seeking.  It feels like the road ahead with my ex-boyfriend is long and complicated, with no assurance of a happy ending.  Maybe I could meet someone else and things wouldn't have to be quite so hard.  I re-opened my account on and I wrote to a few guys in the hopes of moving on with my life.

Which brings me to today, in this moment.  It is the eve of Valentine's Day, the universal day of celebrating love. And I am trying to figure out which path to take.  

On my kitchen counter, there are two tickets to see Joshua Radin in concert tomorrow night.  I bought them a few months ago and I just assumed I would be going to the concert with my ex-boyfriend. There is a part of me that wants to invite him to go with me to the show and just forget about all of the problems we had.  It could be so romantic.

But there is another part of me that looks at it more realistically. What would it mean if we did see the show together?  Would we start dating again only to come to the same conclusion and break up a few weeks later?  I am torn between the romantic idea of going to the concert with him on Valentine's Day and the real possibility that it might not turn out as I hope it will.

That is where the universe comes into play.  Last night, I dedicated my yoga practice to love.  Every time I took a breath, I would inhale love and then exhale it back out into the universe.  I invited the universe to help me find what I am seeking.

When I woke up this morning there was an e-mail from one of the guys I had written to on over a week ago.  This is what I mean about the energy flowing in the universe.  I set that intention for my yoga practice and the universe sent me a sign - or at least a potential sign that there is the possibility of love out there.

Actually it sent me two signs.  Apparently all of the love I was breathing out into the universe last night landed on more than one person.

I still have not told my ex-boyfriend about the concert, but he texted me this afternoon just to check in.  We ended up sharing a lot of thoughts about our relationship and he told me that he loves me and he believes we are both slowly adjusting our behaviors to try and make things work. I have never envisioned a Hallmark movie ending with the promise of two people "slowly adjusting their behaviors" but I know he is sincere.  And it is a start.

I was hoping the universe would provide me with the answer. But if I have learned anything through my yoga practice, it is that all of the answers we seek lie within us.

And if I am patient and keep exploring all of the options, the right one will eventually appear.


Anonymous said...

Who did you go to the concert with?
Sometimes, I stop looking for signs. We made a good effort to take out boys "away for the weekend" and ended up having the little one throw up in the hotel room on the air mattress. Thank God I was not looking for signs yesterday....what would that have meant? I do not have any answers...I just know that if you analyze things too closely, that can be disappointing too.

Cupcake said...

I think you are right about analyzing things too closely. Everything in our lives cannot be examined under a microscope. Sometimes you just need to go with the flow! The decision on the concert was an easy one. It was -2 degrees here. I decided to waste the $50 I spent on the tickets and stay in and watch TV. I did have a nice lunch with my ex-BF in the afternoon.

Anonymous said...

Signs are tricky - even hindsight is not 20-20!

Anonymous said...

A little late to respond, but there is a certain Karma in the world that has proved true for many women. When they start to find another man or in this case men, their ex-husband or ex-boyfriend in this case seem to instinctively know and out pops the "I Love You". Now let's give this some thought...really how do they know? Truthfully, we subtly or not so subtly drop hints and act just less adoringly. Wham! Hurts their ego and out comes the I Love You. Tread Carefully Cupcake!

Anonymous said...

This is confusing. Your ex calls just to check in...really! It is check up. Check up on you to make sure you aren't having fun meeting other guys. This is the oldest game in the book. Adam probably did it to Eve and that is why she made him eat the apple. What would you tell your girlfriend in this case? Would you say oh how sweet? Or Oh how controlling? Funny after all this time he gets the nerve to finally say he loves you. The golden handcuffs. Or the golden yo-yo which brings you back to him. Why does your ex now when you are not in a relationship, get to define your relationship as two people adjusting their behaviors to make things work. You are NOT in a relationship with this man. He is only a friend.