Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Turbulence

A few months ago, I had reached a very zen place in my life.  I was finally able to put my job in its proper place and limit my efforts to eight hours a day.  I was relieved of the burden of carrying all the company's problems on my shoulders and I withdrew from all of the politics and drama at the office.

After spending the better part of a year being sick, I was grateful for every day.  I was living life at its most basic level.  My time was devoted to helping my parents and hanging out with my sister and her kids.  I had found my purpose, or at least what I knew to be my purpose in that moment.  

I was open to whatever the universe had in store for me and eventually, it brought my new guy.  It seemed like he offered everything I was looking for.  He was relaxed, supportive and expressive.  We both realized we found something that could last a lifetime and we were so appreciative.

Now it seems there is this underlying tension in our relationship.  We have started to recognize little imperfections in each other, and I think we are both questioning whether we are prepared to tolerate these little quirks for the rest of our lives.

I keep thinking how much I miss what my guy was like when we just started dating.  But I am starting to realize that what I am really missing is myself at that time.  

It seems that over the last few months, all of the pressures of life have started flooding in and washing away my sense of inner peace.  My job has become more demanding and my boss keeps trying to get me to take on more responsibility.  My new relationship is taking away time from my family and I can clearly see the strain that is caused by my absence.

All I really want is to go back to my simple life, but I am not sure how to get there.  

Last week after a horrible day at work, my guy and I decided to go to my favorite park and take a walk. There is one spot in the park where I always go when I need to unwind.  It is a waterfall that runs over a rocky ledge.  Sometimes I like to just sit there and listen to the water flow.  

When we got to the park, it was late in the evening and the sun had already set.  We walked over to the waterfall and stood on the stone ledge overlooking the water.  The water was crashing over the rocks at a much faster pace than usual due to the run off from the rainstorm.  

"That's just great," I thought to myself.  "I came here to find my inner peace and even my peaceful waterfall is more turbulent than usual."

Then I noticed a wispy green plant had sprouted up from the corner of the waterfall.  It was almost as tall as the rock we were standing on.  As I looked over the ledge to check out the plant, my guy shined his flashlight so I could see.

I must have visited my waterfall at least 20 times, but that night I saw something I never noticed before. While most of the water flows rapidly over the rocks, there is a spot in the corner where the water trickles off from the rocky path and gathers in a small pool.  Then it flows slowly along the side of the rocks and merges back into the river below.

Even in the most turbulent environment, there is a quiet path if you seek it out.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's not about finding peace in the quiet times. The learning is to find peace in the turbulent times.

Anonymous said...

We can all benefit from your wisdom about finding a quiet path.

Anonymous said...

Finding peace in chaos is the most valuable skill we can have.