Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Forward Thinking

I have been thinking about getting a new dining room table.  The one I have is round, made of brushed metal with a glass top.  I bought it when I moved into my house in 2002.  There is nothing wrong with the table.  I was just wondering if it might be time for a change.

When I mentioned to my parents that I wanted to replace the table, they immediately asked why I would want to get rid of such a nice table.  After all, the chairs were so comfortable.  Then they asked what I was going to do with the table and chairs when I got a new one.  My mom suggested that maybe we should put the table in my brother's house since he has extra space.

Instead of enjoying the thought of getting a new table, all of a sudden I found myself deep into a discussion about whether we would rent a truck to get my old table up to my brother's house and whether or not he would even let my Mom bring it there.

How often do we start with a simple thought in the present and immediately take a mental leap ten steps into the future?  I know there are times when it is important to plan ahead, but sometimes I wonder if we put ourselves under too much pressure to plan every aspect of our life.

A few weeks ago I met a guy on Match.com.  After our first date, I immediately felt a connection with him.  It was a cold Sunday afternoon in March and we really wanted to go somewhere to walk around.  We met halfway in a Kmart parking lot and he drove the rest of the way into town.  He asked if I wanted to know where he was taking me, but I told him to surprise me.

We arrived at our first destination.  It was a botanical garden just outside of Ann Arbor.  From the moment we took our coats off and felt the warm air on our faces, I felt like there was something magical between us.  We spent two hours strolling through the garden holding hands and looking at all of the various flowers and plants.  The conversation flowed so easily.  The entire date was effortless.

What I had planned to be a few hours in the afternoon turned into dinner and then a cup of tea.  We got back to the Kmart parking lot in the evening.  As I sat in his car patiently waiting to see if he was going to kiss me, I noticed the moon rising.  We stopped for a moment and watched as the glowing yellow ball emerged from behind the trees and took its rightful place in the sky.

And then he kissed me.  It was everything I hoped it would be and more than I imagined it could be.  As I drove home that night, I called my sister and told her I just met someone very special.

Over the past few weeks our relationship has progressed quickly.  During the first week, we saw each other four out of five nights in a row.  It is different than any other relationship I have had in my adult life, especially in the last ten years.  There is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for having met one another and a sense of optimism for our future.

I often find myself daydreaming about him and planning our life together. And it is more than just thinking about where we will go to dinner on Saturday night or where we will take our first vacation.  I have had thoughts of him proposing to me at the botanical garden where we had our first date and wondering whether that location could accommodate a small wedding party.

For anyone who has read my blog for the last four years, you know these thoughts are completely foreign to me.  And yet, here I am.

It reminds me of when I bought my house, the only other major commitment I have made in my life.  I had this mental checklist of everything I wanted.  As I walked through the house for the first time, I looked in each room and thought to myself "Check. Check. Check..."

On one of our recent dates, he and I were talking about our relationship. He looked at me and said "With you, everything that should be, is."

I think he and I have been waiting a long time to meet someone who could potentially be the One. We are both so excited that we want to write our entire story from beginning to end.

At the same time, it is kind of scary.  When you invest in something so wholeheartedly, there is always a risk that it could go away.  Sometimes I am not sure what is more scary.  The idea that this relationship won't turn out to be as amazing as we think it could be, or the idea that it will!

While it is certainly easy for me to picture a life with this man, I don't want to rush through each of the little moments to get to the big moment at the end, whether it is a proposal, a wedding or maybe even a baby.  I want to let the future unfold, just like the priest said in church on Christmas Eve.

This relationship will be whatever it is meant to be.  If we are not destined to be together, then we can't force it.  And if we are destined to be together, then nothing can stop it.

For now, I am happy living in the moment.  The future will have to wait.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So. Three months later, what do you think?