I think I am having a mid-life crisis. And its nothing like I thought it would be. It doesn't involve buying a red sports car or dying my hair blonde. The modern day mid-life crisis is much more subtle. The best way I can describe it is an innate sense that there is a better path than the one I have chosen. And if I seek out that path, it will lead to greater fulfillment.
What is surprising to me about this mid-life crisis is that it doesn't feel like a crisis at all. The term crisis has such a negative connotation that evokes fear and worry. Yet, I am feeling inspired and hopeful that I can take action to change my life.
This weekend I found an article online about finding and following your bliss. It helped to articulate a lot of the concepts that have been swirling around in my brain these past few months. I have so many ideas and I just needed a framework to help me see things more clearly.
The article starts with a few key points to get you started on finding your bliss. First, its never too late to seek out your bliss and start living your dreams. Second, if you want to find your bliss, you are going to have to do it yourself. Finally, in order to find your bliss you will need to go on a journey of self discovery.
As you know from reading my blog I have spent a lot of time over the last few years focused on the past. Recently, I have tried to go through and close some of the doors in my past with the hope that new doors will open in front of me.
Reading the article gave me a new perspective on my past. Exploring the past can provide clues that may lead me to find my bliss. It represents a time when anything was possible. Getting in touch with my past self can connect me with my life's dreams in their purest form, before they became diluted by the challenges and compromises of everyday life.
Last week I got an e-mail from an old friend from college. He moved to Portland years ago, but we managed to stay in touch on Facebook. There was a time when we were nearly inseparable. Our connection was steeped in the mystical. I always had extraordinary powers of perception, whereas he would experience the most improbable coincidences. We used to skip class and contemplate the meaning of life while playing pool in his Dad's basement.
In perhaps a more obvious expression of a mid-life crisis, he is in the process of getting a divorce. Just as I am reaching into my past to re-discover my true self, he seems to be doing the same. After just a few e-mails, I have already started to feel more connected with that part of my life. It's not that I want to re-live my past. I just want to harness that passion and energy and re-direct it toward the future.
The only thing standing between me and the future I desire is the present. In the present, my bliss is elusive. There are times when I feel so close to it that I can almost touch it. And there are other times when I feel like it is a million miles away.
So, I am about to embark upon a journey to find my bliss. Technically, I guess my journey has already begun. If you happen to see my bliss out there, tell it that I am on my way. And I'll be there just as soon as I can.