Sunday, October 7, 2012

We're Not From Here

This weekend the Boy and I survived two weddings without breaking up or getting back together.  While we managed to avoid having "the talk" about where our relationship was going, everyone else was certainly curious.

At the wedding on Friday night, we were chatting with a woman who is friends with the Boy.  She is one of the first people I met when we started dating in Round 1.  She got married earlier this year in an island wedding that the Boy attended.

She is just a few years older than me and I am pretty sure it is her first marriage, so she waited a long time to meet the man of her dreams.  He was a very personable guy and apparently quite inquisitive because he wanted to know the whole story about how the Boy and I met. 

I shared the five minute version about how we met on Match.com and dated for eight months.  Then we broke up.  Then we started hanging out as friends until New Years 2010 when we decided to start dating again.  We lasted for almost two years and then we broke up again last November and started hanging out again this spring.

"So now you're not dating.  You're just friends," he asked. 

The Boy and I looked at each other for a minute.  "Well, I guess you could say we're friends with benefits," I explained.

"So, what is the difference between being 'friends with benefits' and dating?" his wife chimed in.  Which kind of surprised me.  I thought there was sort of a universal understanding of that term.

"I think the main difference is that we don't have to talk about the future because we are already broken up," I explained.

"I guess its a lot less pressure that way," she said.  Then she continued.  "I don't know why, but I have a feeling about the two of you.  Maybe you will still end up together.  You keep coming back to each other all of these times.  There must be a reason."  She and her husband both looked at each other knowingly and then directed their gaze towards us.

The Boy and I just smiled at each other.  We both know that the reason we stay together is purely physical.  But we didn't have the heart to tell them the truth.

The Boy and I have come to accept that we are different than everyone else when it comes to relationships.  Which is not to say that we both want the same things out of life.  But we are equally committed to our desire not to fall into the status quo.  Somehow that story doesn't play too well at weddings.

I figured the wedding on Saturday would be easier because we would be with all of the Boy's close friends who already know our story.  The big drama was focused on one of the couples who got divorced earlier this year.  The girls have pretty much lined up on her side and the boys are pretty much oblivious to the fact that we are supposed to be taking sides.

This wedding was the first time we would all hang out together as a group since they got divorced earlier this year.  And each of them brought a date.  He came with his new girlfriend, a teacher who he started hooking up with before the divorce was even final.  And she brought another guy from our group of friends who was also divorced earlier this year. 

For the most part everyone got along just fine.  Except that the guy and his new girlfriend got really drunk.  For him, it was not that unusual.  I have seen him get so drunk that he literally falls asleep sitting on a bar stool.  And I can only assume that his new girlfriend figured that alcohol was the best way to get through an uncomfortable situation.

Near the end of the night, the Boy informed me that he volunteered me to give the drunken couple a ride home.  I checked in with his ex-wife to let her know that I was going to drive them home and I hoped she didn't consider it a betrayal.  She gave me a huge hug and said it was ok.

As soon as we got into the car, the girl started dropping more f-bombs than you would hear on an episode of the Sopranos.  Without going into detail, let's just say it was hard to believe that by day, this woman was responsible for the education of our youth.  She had been divorced within the past year and clearly was not over the whole experience. 

She then decided to start asking about my relationship with the Boy.  I gave her the same five minute version that we had shared with the other couple on Friday night but she was not satisfied with my response. 

"So, I still don't understand why the two of you are not together," she said matter of factly.  I decided to let the Boy answer this one.

"We have different life perspectives," he explained.

"Different life perspectives?  What the hell does that mean?"  She continued to badger us.

"Well, I would like to have a plan for my future and she doesn't believe in making long term plans," the Boy said, nodding in my direction as if to ask for my agreement.  "Which is kind of funny because in the present she is a much better planner than I am.  I sort of fly by the seat of my pants," the Boy continued.

By now the new girlfriend was getting bored with his long winded explanation.  It would have been much easier to just tell her that he wants to have a baby and I don't.  But whatever.

After conducting the grand inquisition into my relationship with the Boy, she declared that she was never making any plans for her future again.  She was just going to live in the present and apparently have a lot of sex.

"So, do you believe all of those things they were saying in the ceremony about loving and respecting your husband and staying together for ever and ever?"  She slurred at me from the back seat.

I thought about it for a moment.  "I believe in love," I told her.  "And it doesn't matter if I believe all of the things they said in their vows today.  All that matters is that they believe it."

Finally, we pulled up in her driveway and waited as the two of them stumbled out of the car and up the front steps.  Then we headed back to the Boy's house. 

The Boy and I slept in late this morning and when we woke up, we engaged in our typical morning pillow talk recounting the stories of the evening.  I was telling the Boy how much I enjoy being with his friends and how much I really like all of the guys in that group.  Then I remembered a conversation I had with one of the Boy's friends about how none of the guys in that group are from Michigan.  Which probably explains why I like them so much.

In that moment, I realized that none of the men I have had serious relationships with are from Michigan either.  The Canadian is obviously from Canada.  My long term boyfriend in graduate school was from Minnesota.  My Mr. Big was originally from New Jersey and then he lived in Florida for most of his live.  And the Boy is from Kansas.

"You must have all of your boys imported," he teased.

Maybe he's onto something.  Growing up in Michigan, I have discovered that there are only three categories of men:  sports addicts, outdoorsmen/gun lovers or career-obsessed assholes.  Some men may fall into more than one category.  Of course there are exceptions, like my Best Friend, but they are few and far between. 

If I am going to find someone to share a future with, I may have to expand my search criteria on Match.com outside of a 50 mile radius.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Be nice if you can make "Not born in Michigan" a dating criteria.

Anonymous said...

I picture a parody of those "imported from Detroit" car commercials, with all the "types" you described and a voice over by Tim Allen. How funny!

Anonymous said...

Never mind Michigan boys... What about that teacher!! Holy cow., I worry about the youth of America being taught by hungover slobs!