This weekend the Boy and I are attending two weddings together. Both couples are friends of ours. In the past, weddings have presented some challenges for us. We usually have a great time during the event, but soon after the wedding we are faced with the inevitable question: Where is our relationship going?
But this time its different. Technically, we already know where our relationship is going. It ended almost a year ago. Except for the part where we still sleep together.
Last week when I was browsing around on Match.com I came across a familiar face. Apparently the Boy has re-posted his profile with the same photo he used when he met me online four years ago. And the same headline: "A breath of fresh air..." I guess it worked the first time, so why change it.
I couldn't click on the actual profile to read what he wrote because then he would know that I viewed it. But I was so curious about how he was presenting himself out in the dating pool. I wondered if all the qualities he says he is looking for in a woman are the exact opposite of me: "Engineer with limited communication skills and perpetually wrinkled shirts seeks adventurous, non-judgemental woman who loves seafood and wants to have lots of babies."
Regardless of what his profile says, it is clear that the Boy has decided to explore his options. And he's not the only one. I have been Facebook flirting with the Canadian for weeks.
It all started with an innocent note: Hi! I was thinking about you today. How have you been? Hope life is good.
He immediately wrote me back the next day: Hi sweetie! Yes life is good! Had a wonderful day with my pee wee football team. I was smiling all day. Funny how you know these things. Not a day goes by when I don't think of you saving the world.
After that, he started liking all of the posts on my Facebook page. First it was a picture of my new hardwood floors. Then it was one of my TGIF posts. Pretty soon, I found myself posting things in my status just to see how he would react.
All week I kept hearing our song on the radio. It is Black by Pearl Jam. So I posted "Pearl Jam Ten. Still a great album" in my status. Of course he liked it. The next weekend I was going out for drinks with the girls and I posted "First weekend of fall. Time to break out my black boots!" The black boots are also a favorite of his. He liked that one too.
I knew I was heading into dangerous territory with that last post. It was pretty much the Facebook equivalent of a booty call.
Personally, I blame it on the weather. Fall is my favorite time of year. Something about the change of seasons, the crisp air and the potential of at least five months of non-frizzy hair. I always feel like I want to break out of my shell and do something interesting with my life.
And that is where the Canadian comes in. Aside from being my first true love, I really like the way he makes me feel about myself. No matter how stressful and exhausting my job can be, I know he is across the border picturing me saving the world. And that makes me want to try a little harder to become the person I wanted to be when he met me 20 years ago.
On the other hand, the Boy and I always break up in the fall. It's that time of year when he becomes complacent and I get frustrated. In Round 1, I broke up with him in October about a week before we were supposed to go away to Washington DC together. I ended up taking the trip by myself. In Round 2, I broke up with him in November, the night before he was supposed to help my brother move.
Now here I am at the end of another summer with the Boy and I'm feeling restless. Normally I would break up with him and move on, but we are already broken up. And I am not sure I am ready to cut him out of my life completely.
By this point, we have both accepted the fact that we are just biding our time with each other until something better comes along. Summer has turned to fall, and pretty soon fall will become winter. And by spring we may both be living a completely different life.
For now, I just need to make it through these two weddings. After that I think I'll be ready for fall. And the Canadian.