Saturday, January 14, 2012

Two Date Minimum

Well, I am back in the dating world again. After breaking up with the Boy before Christmas, I decided to put myself out there right away and get on Unlike other break ups where I needed time to heal, I had already waited until I was good and ready to break up with the Boy. There was literally no mourning period. One day I was with him and the next day I woke up and shed about 175 pounds worth of problems.

Within a short time, I realized that may not be the ideal place to meet someone special. Everyone seems to be casually playing the field and waiting to see if a better offer comes along before they commit to anything. I took the initiative and wrote to a bunch of guys that I thought were cute, but none of them ever wrote me back.

Now I am by no means a gorgeous woman, but I think I am better looking than the average person. And I have a nice smile and a cute little figure. Plus, its not like I was shooting for the moon in terms of who I wrote to. I tried to focus on guys that seemed to be within my league.

Meanwhile, my profile seems to continually attract men who are sort of creepy and much older than me. Some of them don't even seem to know how to put together a complete sentence. Many of them refer to themselves as "old fashioned" and say they are looking for a real woman, whatever that means. One guy actually said he liked my photos and then ended his e-mail with a simple "Mmm."

Then one day I got an e-mail from a guy whose profile headline read "Active 42 year old guy looking for friendship or romance." I looked at the series of photos and he seemed normal enough. So I actually wrote him back.

It turns out that he was an engineer, just like the Boy. And he was also a widower. As I explained that to my friends I got varying reactions. Some thought it was better than dating someone who was divorced, while others advised me that there could be too much pressure to measure up to his deceased wife. I didn't really have an opinion on it one way or another.

The Engineer and I exchanged a few e-mails and eventually he asked me out on a date. I once read somewhere that you should only commit to spending an hour the first time you meet someone for a blind date. That way, if things don't work out you aren't stuck sitting through an entire evening with this person that you are clearly not interested in. As someone who is constantly looking for an exit strategy, that sounded like a good idea to me. So I offered to meet him for a drink one night after work.

As the date approached, I started to get nervous about actually meeting him in person. I read through our e-mails and studied his photos more closely to look for any sign of a potential deal breaker. The only thing I noticed was that he never seemed to be staring directly into the camera. This was exacerbated by the fact that he wore glasses, so it was hard to see his eyes in some of the pictures. I confided in my sister that I was afraid he might be cross eyed. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I was just trying to be prepared.

On the night of our scheduled rendezvous, I headed over to the bar and hoped for the best. When I walked in he was already there. He looked pretty much the same as his photos except his hair was a little shorter. He stood up as I approached and we shook hands. I immediately ordered a glass of wine as he stared at me in anticipation.

The bar was pretty dark and it was lit by wall sconces. We were seated at a small table right up against the wall. Unfortunately, the light from the sconces kept reflecting off of his glasses so I could not get a good look into his eyes. And he seemed to cock his head when he spoke so I often found myself staring at the side angle view of his face.

For an engineer, he was sure talkative. I asked him how his holidays were and that launched him into a 15 minute diatribe about his family. Then we talked about hockey, since he plays in three different leagues. Finally we settled into my comfort zone and talked politics. This guy had an opinion on everything. I started to wonder if he ever got out of the house. He seemed to be starving for human contact. But he was nice enough, and unlike being with the Boy, at least the conversation flowed.

By the end of the date, I realized that he did not learn anything more about me because he had barely asked me one question the whole night. I had pretty much guided the entire conversation. But he seemed excited about the whole experience.

There was sort of an awkward pause as I stood up to leave. He leaned in for a hug but I instinctively extended my hand instead. As I walked out to my car, I wasn't sure if I was interested in him. And I still hadn't figured out whether or not he was cross eyed.

The next day he texted me to say that he had a nice time and he asked me out again. It was at this juncture that I decided on the two date minimum rule. Unless someone is completely repulsive to me, it only makes sense to give them another chance. So we made plans to go out to dinner. This time I asked him to drive to my neighborhood instead of meeting in the middle.

When I arrived for our second date he was already there. Sitting in a booth in a very well lit section of the restaurant. After spending the first half hour of the date listening to him talk about his 14 year old cat that is dying of kidney failure, I figured out two things. 1. There would not be a third date in our future, and 2. He is a little cross eyed.


Anonymous said...

Funny!! So does the two date minimum still apply, or can we let ourselves off the hook after one?!

Cupcake said...

We are off the hook. My new rule is "one and done"!